I have a best friend name Beef. His name isn't really Beef I just call him Beef because he is my Bee-Eff-Eff. Here is what we talk about.
Beef: lets go do something when you get back here that you can only do in the bay.
Me: Let's go clam digging!
Beef: what the eff is a clam digging? like..get a shovel and dig for clams?
Me: Yeah! Or jellyfish hunting! Wait is that a real thing? Or is it only real on Spongebob? I'm not sure if it's real.
Beef: why are you so mean to creatures of the sea?
Me: Because they are delicious.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Quarantined
I'm pretty sure we have small pox. Or scarlet fever. I'm not sure which is which. Which one makes you delusional? That's the one we have.
Every time I cough I hear the Band Perry. Except I don't want to be buried in satin. If I die young I wanted to be buried in something awesome - like a flying monkey costume. Then at my funeral someone would be like "I didn't know she liked Wizard of Oz so much" and then someone would say "She didn't" and then they'd say "Then why the flying..." and I'd pop out of my "Why are you questioning the dead?" Then that person would feel like an a-hole for like five seconds and then super excited because they just witnessed a freaking miracle.
Back to sickness - I've narrowed down the source of our illness to two incidents. ONE - Playing with our friends' babies. To be fair - I don't really think the babies got us sick but I never rule it out as a possibility because small children are like Ebola monkeys. Kids are ALWAYS sick. I know this because my mom works with Kindergarten kids and she is always sick. Kids bring diseases. It's a fact . Babies are the worst. I think it's because they're always licking each others faces.
TWO - We picked it up from the cluuuuuub. On Saturday we went to Budoir (a sex themed club) for our friend's birthday. Why do I think this might be the culprit? Three words. Sex. Themed. Club. Wait - I think that might be two words. Sex-themed. Club. Gonna have to Google it. Ew. Then again maybe not. Anyways I'm pretty sure Boudoir got us sick - and that is why NO GOOD CAN COME FROM CLUBBING WHEN YOU'RE IN YOUR LATE 20's!!!!
Every time I cough I hear the Band Perry. Except I don't want to be buried in satin. If I die young I wanted to be buried in something awesome - like a flying monkey costume. Then at my funeral someone would be like "I didn't know she liked Wizard of Oz so much" and then someone would say "She didn't" and then they'd say "Then why the flying..." and I'd pop out of my "Why are you questioning the dead?" Then that person would feel like an a-hole for like five seconds and then super excited because they just witnessed a freaking miracle.
Back to sickness - I've narrowed down the source of our illness to two incidents. ONE - Playing with our friends' babies. To be fair - I don't really think the babies got us sick but I never rule it out as a possibility because small children are like Ebola monkeys. Kids are ALWAYS sick. I know this because my mom works with Kindergarten kids and she is always sick. Kids bring diseases. It's a fact . Babies are the worst. I think it's because they're always licking each others faces.
TWO - We picked it up from the cluuuuuub. On Saturday we went to Budoir (a sex themed club) for our friend's birthday. Why do I think this might be the culprit? Three words. Sex. Themed. Club. Wait - I think that might be two words. Sex-themed. Club. Gonna have to Google it. Ew. Then again maybe not. Anyways I'm pretty sure Boudoir got us sick - and that is why NO GOOD CAN COME FROM CLUBBING WHEN YOU'RE IN YOUR LATE 20's!!!!
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